Tights and Automatic Toilets

It's that time of year again. Tights - which prevent me from looking scaly, are an every day part of my wardrobe.

This weekend, we had the pleasure of visiting FL for my cousin's wedding. While it was still 86 there, I was wearing tights or hose because I thought the sight of my super white legs may scare the locals to death. Our day Friday consisted of a 1 1/2 hour drive, then an 1 1/2 flight, and finally a 2 our drive....talk about over the river and through the woods. But anyway, I tell you this to illustrate the number of public restrooms I used this day.

Here is the thing. While I TRULY appreciate the ability to flush a toilet by moving and not touching it, what I don't appreciate is the toilet flushing 15 times while I try to hike up my tights again. This happens even more if I'm wearing hose and am trying not to put a hole in them.

Am I the only one??

RSVP - or Snarky's Biggest Pet Peeve

Snarky has thrown a lot of parties recently and she has about had it with people who don't respond. I got married last year, so I know exactly how she feels. So here are a few thoughts so you aren't on Snarky's naughty list...or anyone elses.

1. Don't not RSVP because you don't want to go but you don't want to hurt the person who invited you. I know you are loved by all, but this person will get over it.
2. Especially in cases of weddings or other expensive events, if you RSVP'd to attend and something has come up that you cannot, let the person know. Otherwise, they have paid for food that will not be eaten and that can be really expensive.
3. Do not respond on someone's Facebook wall. I feel certain that was now how you were invited. What about the people that didn't make the cut? Now they feel sad and lonely.
4. If at some point you offered to host or help host and now cannot...own up to it. It's ok, life happens, but what is super annoying is when other people are in a holding pattern waiting for you to respond!

We Don't Keep Score

Since I'm surrounded by babies these days, I begin to wonder what this next generation will be like. Will they be another generation of people who don't keep score and don't have a prom queen because we're all beautiful? I really hope not. Will Bank of America still hire recruiters just to deal with the parents who are involved with their child's job interview. I mean seriously - I heard this recently and my head about exploded. Most of the parents I know have children who are in elementary school or younger, so here is my plea. Once your child graduates from college, you need to cut the cord. DO NOT call their employer to complain about the raise they got (or didn't get). If they are out of college and working full time, they are old enough to speak on their own behalf. Sure, you can guide them through things....but from your house and to only them. When you call their employer because of an issue that they should be addressing, it just makes you look like an over bearing idiot.

And let's face it....we are not all beautiful. And if no one is prom queen, then what happens to tiaras?

Domestic Goddess

So, yesterday morning I woke up invigorated to do a thousand things. I was going to clean out the kitchen cabinets, bake an apple pie, make chicken chili, and put up the Christmas decorations. Well, I did all of it! Along the way, I also filled the house with smoke (apple pie goo ran over the pan and tried to start a fire in my oven), created 3 bags of trash and recycling that needed to go out and decided I need more Christmas decorations. The cabinets are so clean and organized that Martha would be proud. However, I'm not sure what she would say about the rest of the kitchen.

Sorry I've been Gone

Sorry - I know, this blog has somehow turned into the red headed stepchild of my life. I admit it, I have a new blog that is getting more attention. www.allergicadultlovesfood.com You should check it out. It's not that I haven't been irritated, I just have been so irritated and so busy that I haven't had time to vent. Well, ok...that's sort of a lie, I'm always venting. Just not to everyone.

Cry Baby

I think my stress level has hit an all time high. Every time I turn around, someone at work has a great new idea of something I can do.  It's just getting to be wayyyyy too much. So today, in between 2 of my 4 meetings, I run to the kitchen to grab my sandwich. But it's gone. Someone stole my sandwich! The worst part is that there were three platter of sandwiches, but because I have a thousand food allergies, I have to bring my own and I can't eat any of the others in there. So I got really angry and cried. Seriously, I cried. I didn't have time to run out and grab something else and so I was left to eat popcorn. If I find out who stole my lunch, I'm going to rip their arms off.

A few issues that need to be addressed

There is still just so much going on in my life that I can't keep up, and unfortunately, posting seems to be the first to go. Don't think my list of grievances is short though. In list form-here is what is driving me crazy.

1. Pinterest melted spoon flowers. Who has the time to melt plastic spoons into flowers and paint them??? Get a job.
2. Short timer employees. I have a soon to be former coworker who resigned, gave a five week notice and asked for 4 vacation days. He has yet to work a full 8 hour day since resigning. I feel like he is a waste of space.
3. Parking at Trader Joes. I know I have already gone off about this, but seriously - Sunday I watched some woman take SEVEN attempts to get in a parking space. Maybe if you weren't trying to park your Tahoe in a compact space it would fit better.
4. Meetings. Ok, so yes meetings by themselves sometimes drive me crazy....but what sends me spiraling out of control is when I'm the only person ready for the meeting when it is supposed to start. I have other things to do - so if everyone shows up on time...no one is wasting time.
5. Passive Aggressive Nonsense. We're all adults, if you are mad at me don't make me drag it out of you as to why. If I haven't already addressed that I know, then I have no idea and you saying you're fine is fooling absolutely no one. You may treat your spouse that way, but I will just ignore you. (previously I would have thrown something at you, but I just learned that I could be put in jail for battery even if it's just something light that I throw at you...and quite frankly, your temper tantrum is not worth me being locked up).

This should be a good week

But it's not. Everyone is driving me crazy. If I can just make it to 5:00 pm Friday, then I will have 9 days off...9 wonderful days off. It will be amazing. I have only scheduled 7 million things that need to be done in those 9 days, but none of them require being anywhere near my office. Which is good, because I can't go there. woohoo!

Title Credits

Sometimes I will listen to music in my office. Truth be told, you can totally tell what kind of day I'm having based on the music.
Pop Music - I'm goofing off
Dave Matthews/U2/Adele - I'm relatively busy
Classical Music - I'm extremely busy and/or about to kill someone.

And then I realized that some of it sounds like it is the soundtrack in a movie right before someone dies. Fantastic.

Life Update

Sorry I've been slack again....but I'm working on something big. Something that might actually be useful. I've also been in Sassy's wedding where I had the amazing opportunity to embarrass her, but I tried really hard not to; I've stopped going to work at 6 am - major life changer!; and I've started selling everything I own on eBay. It's totally addictive. Fabio better hide his stuff, because as soon as I run out of my stuff, I'm selling all the stuff of his that I don't really like...except the ficus tree. That would be hard to mail. I'm just waiting for an "accident" when we move for that one.

Questionable Olympic Sports

As I'm sure you know, Snarky and I are extremely athletic. So this afternoon we were recapping some of the Olympic sports that have surprised us this week. At first this morning, Snarky thought that the trampoline event was only to see how high they could jump. She did not think that should be an Olympic Sport. Well, it's not - they expect a lot more. I personally can't believe that there is such a scandal in the badminton world. Who even knew there was a "world" of badminton?

Speaking of questionable sports - what ever happened to ribbon dancing? That was my Get In Shape Girl favorite!

Why I will never participate in Olympic Track and Field

We were just watching the opening night of the Olympic track competition and I told Fabio that I will never run competitively since they always show the replay in slow motion. He seemed shocked that this is what has been holding me back from being a professional runner. I feel as though it is as good of a reason as anything else.

Snarky's new job

A big congrats goes out to Snarky as she ends her first week of a new job. One of her most supportive fans sent her an email congratulating her on literally being the face of Chiquita. Just to be clear - she is not the new Chiquita Banana Lady...she said she doesn't look good in yellow. Being the supportive friend I am, I just wanted to see what it would be like if she were the face of Chiquita and I'm sure you would like to know to  :)

Low Down Summer Blues

It is HOT. All I want to do is lie under a fan until fall comes. Unfortunately, I have 3 million things to do. It's been a minute since I made a list - so here is one of the things that I think are acceptable activities during this weather.

Lying under a fan
eating frozen yogurt
eating ice cream
sitting in a pool till all that is above water is your nose (use sunscreen)

Fabio and I are idiots, so we went to a cookout last weekend. You know, when it was 110 outside. Don't do that - or if you must, don't bother showering first. That was undoubtedly the most futile thing I did all day.

Parking Deck Nightmares

Why can't people drive in parking decks? I don't understand why normal, relatively well educated drivers pull into parking decks and seem to suddenly not know a thing about driving. Let me help you. If each spot has a car in it for as far as you can see, you don't need to slow down at each spot - just keep driving!

Here is the other thing that drives me bananas in parking decks. If you drive a car so large that you actually cannot drive it, you should be punched in the neck. Don't buy a car so large that you are incapable of parking it. This makes me angry in parking decks and open lots. Seriously - know where the corners are. If you cannot pull out of a space without making it a 46 point turn, your car should be taken away from you. I'm not joking.

Summer Camp

Today I referred to a group we have in house as being "like summer camp, but without anything fun like songs or smores." The response I received was that without songs and smores, summer camp is more like prison...you must stay here a certain amount of time, move around and eat when instructed to do so. Interesting, and possibly true.

Oh the interwebs

So I made a startling revelation a few minutes ago. I, like thousands, am addicted to Pinterest. It has been a great way for me to organize all kinds of things. But here is what I just realized. It's like all the people who loved putting pics, and phrases on MySpace have finally found a place to do that once again. Take that FaceBook - I can still clog the WWW with all kinds of time wasting junk.

And fabulous recipes.

Easy Peasy

So last night I had no inspiration for dinner. I haven't really mentioned anything on here, but I developed allergies to peanuts, hazelnuts, and soy right around Easter...which was sad because Easter just really isn't the same without a Reeses Cup Egg. But I have made the changes necessary to live, and am doing ok most days. Although last week I stood in our living room and cried because I just wanted french fries. Fabio has been great, every time one of these little episodes occurs, he just walks to wherever I am and gives me a big hug. I know, I could make my own french fries at home, but the problem is that I also want fried pickles and chicken tenders and when I mentioned to Fabio the thought of buying a fryer you would have thought I had slapped him across the face.

But anyway, back to last night. I had no idea what I wanted to cook, and right now, there are only a handful of places I feel safe going to eat, so cooking is in order most of the time. So I do what any cute, smart cookie would do and went to Pinterest. This is the only thing I have to say about "quick and easy crockpot meals". If I had started thinking about dinner 3 days ago then I wouldn't be having this problem right now!

Shower of Fear

I'm not sure if I told you, but Sassy's getting married in August. I'm super excited for her and even more excited that she hasn't turned into any Bridezilla type. Like, last week I cut off all my hair and sent her this pic of it (in which I also had a crazy eye, but that's another story) and she said it was cute! It's way shorter than I actually wanted it to be, but it grows quickly and it's not a red mullet, so I'll get over it soon and hopefully she wasn't lying. Anyway, I digress.

My fabulous photographer friend Kelli is going to be her photographer, so being the good friend that I am, I have been sending Kelli some "tips" on what I've seen other photographers do. Like yell at the bride during her father/daughter dance, and be photographed with a crazy face in the middle of a dance floor.

My favorite part of Sassy's wedding so far is the theme for her shower. You see, it's an around the clock shower and I have been given the gift of 11:00 pm. So, because I'm not actually as crazy and rude as I sometimes sound, Sassy will receive a gift during the shower that under no means would she be upset to open infront of her soon to be in-laws - but I will have something spectacular waiting for her to open at an undisclosed location and time that will be what I would have given her if my mama hadn't raised me right.

Mary Mary Quite Contrary

How does your garden grow? I ask, because Carrie Carrie Quite Contrary forgot she had one. Yep, that's me, the girl who completely forgot she was trying to grow herbs. I guess if I'm looking the the positive in this, is that I already have dried herbs! ha!

On a completely unrelated side note, I'm entertained that old people and pinterest have managed to make FB a little more like MySpace with 100 frilly quotes on their wall.

Too Many Irons in the Fire

Too many balls in the air, I could go on and on, but the gist of things is that there is too much going on in my  life. This week we started the beloved 4 day a week schedule. Last weekend Fabio and I attended a wedding in WV and then high tailed it back to NC so that I could spend some quality time with a great college friend. Yesterday I taught my last dance class. I haven't talked about my teen class much, but man do they need to be medicated. They talk NON stop. I feel like I finally realize why boarding schools were invented. Some teens just need to be sent away. Actually, the alternative is to build them a sound proof room so they can scream while talking to a friend that is only 2 feet away.

Anyway, I digress. Yesterday we also finally had the first showing for our condo, and now today we are having another. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I excite pretty easily. Now that they are looking, we just need one to buy! Which if that happens quickly will only add to my to do list.

Oh yeah, and if I don't do laundry tonight, I will need to wear bathing suit bottoms as underwear tomorrow.

Balancing Act

My husband balances his toothbrush on the toothbrush holder in the bathroom. Not because all the slots are full...this is just what he does. I find it rather odd. I also find it odd that he will walk to the trash can with something and lay it on top of the can instead of opening the lid and placing the trash inside the can. I can't help but think these two habits are related.

While he seems to be balancing objects throughout the house, I am not balancing things as well. That's why I haven't posted lately. I just feel like there is always too much to do. My hope is to start posting again soon. Just as soon as the toothbrush is in the holder...

Summertime

I do realize that it's only Spring, but with degrees reaching in the upper 80's, it feels like we have fast tracked right on to summer. Which begs the question....will anyone ever right a truly perfect Summertime song other than Will Smith?

Homeschooling

If you are a proponent of homeschooling - this may offend you, but I encourage you to read it anyway, just as I have recently read several blog postings extolling the virtues of homeschooling.

1. You claim your children are in a more loving environment at home. I most certainly hope that is the case. However, the world is not a loving environment and maybe you should consider introducing that to your children prior to them being adults and thinking everything in life is fair.

2. You claim that you can better educate your child than a teacher. To this, I think you must be an amazing genius. I can see where this line of reasoning makes you feel good - you are the master of all content. Have you considered how you will feel when your child is a sophomore instead of a first grader? I have a great knowledge of English, History and Communications, but it would be a disservice to my child for me to try to teach them high school Science or Math. The reason high school students have a different teacher for each subject as they get older is because there is so much more involved in each subject and "when you are a jack of all trades, you are a master of none."

3. Homeschooling does not confine your schedule so vacations can be taken during off peak times. I have nothing to say about this other than, how does this benefit your child. Be honest, if benefits you and only you.

4. Your children learn to better interact with adults. Just FYI, teachers are also adults....and there is a lot to be said about being able to get along with people your own age.

5. Your children don't lack social interaction because they are involved in activities with other home schooled children. Ahh, under socialized meeting with under socialized.

I could go on and on about this, and I'm sure the proponents have plenty of other things to say as well. My final thought, albeit not so nice is, show me someone who was home schooled who does not suffer on some level with social interactions.

Reply All

You know, I'm not sure why so many people blatantly ignore the basics of office etiquette...if you receive an email that was sent to 700 people. DO NOT, I repeat DO. NOT. hit reply all. I would like to assure you that 699 people do not care about your response.

To the Cyclists I Saw This Morning

Bravo to you for your 5:30 am exercise. However, you should learn some basic rules. I was "sharing the road," but you don't get to take more than half of it. You are on a road that has a bike lane, it would be great if you could keep yourselves in it or the right lane, but I cannot figure out why in the world you need to ride on the dotted line between the right and left lanes of traffic. Don't worry - I will not hit you because I don't care enough about you to go to jail. But let this be your warning...if you do this again, I will run my windshield washing fluid the entire time I pass you.

The future of writing

While I love my iPhone, I have issues with the future of parenting and writing. No, I do not have children. No, I do not know how difficult it is to teach someone how to write. However, I do not think that teaching your child to trace letters with their fingertip on and iPad is doing them any great service for the future. I mean, how would you ever write on paper to say, leave someone a note or in Snarky's case, keep up with your paper calendar, if you don't know how to write with anything other than the tip of your finger. I just don't understand how that is considered teaching someone how to write. Although I also don't understand how you come to be a college educated adult and not know how to properly hold a knife and fork, so maybe it's just me.

The Most Hated Holiday of the Year

So, I'm not really a big fan of Valentine's day. For so many years, it was just another day to me. Now though, I'm married to someone who thinks it is an important day. Funny - because this is the same man who has only purchased me flowers once in four years. So Fabio was all excited to cancel his gym workout and make plans for Tuesday night until he realized that dance studios don't close for Hallmark holidays.


Next week I will think about everyone who is receiving beautiful flower arrangements and how my husband doesn't purchase flowers because everyone would assume he has done something wrong. Oh yeah, and I will spend my Valentine's evening with 8 rowdy 7-9th graders. fun times.

Urban Legends

I probably don't strike you as one who believes urban legends. I call bluff on most of them. However, the other day, I found myself deciding just not to chance it. On my drive to work a 5:40 am, I saw a car pulling out of the gas station without their headlights on. I look around to see if any other cars are around - when I don't see any, I choose to let the driver possibly be in a car wreck instead of flashing my lights to signal to them. After all, I don't want to die in a gang initiation and I feel certain that they happen right before rush hour. A few blocks later, I also came to the realization that since my car has automatic headlights, I'm not even sure how to flash them. Guess I'm safe from the gangs for at least one more day.

New Year's Revolution

I understand that it should be resolution, but I can't count the number of people I've heard talk about their New Year's Revolution recently. I mean, I can't event keep a resolution, much less start a revolution - more power to all of these people...I wonder what the difference in timing is between breaking your resolution and stopping the revolution?

To Dream the Impossible Dream

So I was hanging out with Snarky today and once again complaining that I don't understand who would purposefully purchase control top tights. Another friend had to listen to this rant while in Target and added that all control top tights do is give you two rolls instead of one. Good point friend. So Snarky and I were lamenting the muffin top that can be caused from ill fitting tights. Snarky pointed out that she wished the fat could be pushed down - because most of the time you are wearing boots, so who cares if you had a little kankle problem in your boot.

Then it happened. Snarky had an epiphany. She is going to invent tights that go over your head. I know what your thinking - they will have to snap in an inconvenient area right? Nope, Snarky is going to work through that problem. I was going to have her write again, but I think she's going to busy with the project for quite some time. I'll let you know when she finds the solution.

Back to the Grind

So today I went back to work. Of course it was rough, I've not been on a schedule in two weeks. Want to know how much I whine and groan? Fabio sent me a text to ask how my first day back was going and I responded that I was really trying to have a positive attitude. When I got home he asked again, and then my mom called....and they were both proud of me for keeping a positive attitude until 2:00 p.m.

My mom has a new theory that maybe I need an elf on the shelf to keep me from saying or doing anything I shouldn't. I think she thinks she can get it on clearance and it certainly wouldn't hurt me to try it.