Playlist Unplayed

Before the wedding, Fabio talked endlessly about what music he wanted played and even more so about the music he certainly didn't want played at our wedding reception. So we spent hours determining what we wanted played during dinner and during the dancing portion. As we arrived at the venue, I was pleased to hear that the music being played were things we had requested. Unfortunately, once the dancing began we only heard 3 or 4 of the songs we chose. Fabio is still fuming about this, and what makes it worse for me is that he plays the actual playlist while we are at the house.

I think what amazes me most is that this happens all the time - to everyone! We are not alone in this, and it happens whether it is a DJ or Band, these "artists" just seem to play whatever they want. Too bad I can't just go to work and do whatever I want instead of what my clients have requested.

p.s. today is Snarky's birthday. In honor of her, you should let your road rage out and yell at someone driving beside you. Or punch a coworker in the face.

Romantic Killer Ducks

Last week, after the luggage incident, Fabio and I went on to have a wonderful honeymoon in sunny California. Monday evening we were walking around the resort which has several ponds with bridges. After we crossed one of the bridges, there was a little covered area over the water with two chairs. As we approached, Fabio said, "Wow, this would be a great place to propose if I hadn't already." I totally agreed with him and we sat in the chairs to just enjoy the moment.

Within seconds we were surrounded by ducks. I couldn't figure it out, and then as the quacked their little beaks in our direction, it hit me. People usually sit here and feed them. As any logical person would do, I looked at the ducks and said "Sorry ducks, we have no food for you." Obviously, they should have left right? Not so much...they just sat there quacking at us and then finally, in a fit of rage one came flying up at me.

I screamed and went running away with it as Fabio followed mumbling something about that being the end of our romantic moment. Then I reminded him that I was not the one searching for alligators in FL.

Luggage Thief

There I was, newly Mrs. Fabio and ready to enjoy a relaxing honeymoon as Mr. and Mrs. While Fabio was getting the address to the resort for the cab driver, I pulled our bags off the luggage carousel and walked over to him. He immediately jumped up saying he would have gotten the bags and I know this was true - but sometimes I like to pretend I'm strong, so I had grabbed our bags. We roll out to the line of taxis at the airport in a cold drizzle. Of course I immediately begin to worry that the whole week will be like this. We have flown across the country to the land of sunshine, but with my luck it will rain the entire time we are here.

We hop in the taxi and head off towards the resort. Fabio's phone begins to ring and I really only notice because it sounds like a nuclear alarm going off. He hits ignore because the number isn't familiar (I am also totally guilty of screening unknown callers) but then they leave a message. He listens to it and just looks at me. As he hangs up he says "are you sure you grabbed the right bags?" So just as we are 3 minutes away from the resort - we have to turn around and go back to the airport because in all of my glory of being able to lift my heavy bag off the carousel, I was actually stealing someone else's luggage!

So that is how we began our honeymoon. Thankfully - the woman who's luggage I wanted to drive around CA for a bit was very understanding and that was the worst hiccup of the trip. Oh, and also the only rain of the trip!

I hope you enjoyed hearing from Snarky in my absence...she has some awesome family holiday stories usually  - so you may hear from here again soon :)

The One About the Annoying Co-worker...

Hi readers, it’s Snarky.  I’m honored that Carrie asked me to guest blog while she is enjoying her honeymoon.  So here goes….

 

I work in a pretty stuffy, corporate office and one of my co-workers is well, basically, a hot mess.  For this post I will refer to her as Sneezy because one of her worst offenses is being allergic to our office, apparently. She says she only sneezes when she's at work, but it's less like sneezing and more like machine gun fire at the same volume.  She needs medication and possibly a face mask.  Anyway, Sneezy has many qualities that would serve her well elsewhere, but not in this office.  Let me paint you a picture.  

Let's start with her wardrobe.  In my office conservative is the order of the day.  Men wear suits and ties and women dress the hell up.  Not Sneezy.  Since joining our company earlier this year she has amazed us with her inability to adapt to her surroundings.  She has on various occasions worn the following: sheer white top with black tank, jeans with holes, 5 inch Ed Hardy heels, espadrille wedge sandals, sleeveless and spaghetti strap shirts, shorts, and......pigtails in her hair.  I actually own a number of these items too and I WEAR THEM ON THE WEEKEND!  How is anyone supposed to take her, or any of us by association, seriously if she's nodding her head and fricking pigtails are bouncing around?!

Ok, now picture a girl in pigtails, sheer shirt, and 5 inch heels running around an office.  For some reason Sneezy is incapable of just walking, but instead must run....like someone is chasing her to the printer.  Dude, just walk.  You look crazy if you run in an office and nothing is on fire.  

Now on to her desk.  Crafts made by her kids and photos of the kids hang all over it.  And she ordered matching purple desk accessories, so it resembles a teen bedroom.  I'll admit I'm pretty OCD about clutter, but her desk is one glue stick away from a birdcage made of popsicle sticks.  She also has a penchant for an electric stapler that sounds more like a nail gun.  Sometimes she staples things for hours and I want to plead with her to please go green, spare the trees, and stopping stapling every piece of paper ever made!

And then there's the sound of her voice.  Ok maybe the sound is a pet peeve only I've acquired, mainly because it usually means she's droning on about some inane topic that I have no interest in, and because I don’t have an office or walls to protect me so I am her hostage.  She has started actual sentences with "I know you don't like to cook, but there's a sale at the grocery store on such and such and blah blah blah."  If you know I don't like to cook, then don't tell me about anything that pertains to cooking!  It's simple really.  And when she speaks she sounds ridiculous.  Sneezy says "ma'am" to everyone about everything.  All day long she's ma'aming herself into some kind of Emily Post nightmare.   And lastly, Sneezy’s favorite phrase is the one that reveals her country bumpkin roots: fixin'.  Sneezy often says that her boss –an executive- is “fixin’” to get off a call or “fixin’” to join a meeting.  Ah, fixin', one of the all time most redneck phrases.  Well, I am fixin' to yank out her pigtails and staple her mouth shut.

Man it felt good to vent! 

Until next time,
Snarky

Adios Amigos

I'm speaking Spanish because all I've heard this week are the workers grouting the balcony. What I love about them: They were rocking out to Adele the other day and they were making fun of one of my coworkers behind her back. What I hate about them: They've made a huge mess of the lobby and the carpet in the hallway. I don't even try to listen to them but they yell and scream outside my window all day.

Anyway, this will most likely be my last post as a single gal. Don't worry though, all three of you will still be able to read something next week as I know Snarky has been working endlessly to take notes about the nonsense in her office.

Later Gators! (this is in no way a sports reference, just sayin')