Hips Don't Lie

I love chocolate. And cookies, ice cream, bread, potato chips and pepperoni rolls. I also wonder why my hips are in competition with my shoulders to see who can be wider. For the majority of my life, my shoulders have won. One night during rehearsal for a musical, the costumer was taking my measurements and asked if I had trouble finding clothes to fit because my shoulders were "broad and sturdy". These are not words that a girl wants to hear.

Anyway, in recent years, I have found that I can no longer simply stop eating all of the above mentioned foods and drop 5 pounds. This sucks for lack of a better term. So, now that I am nearing the atrocious weight of when I graduated from college, I'm trying to reign it back in. It makes me sad, because I will miss you fried, sweet and salty foods. But I'm sure one day I will see you again. After all, emotional eating is one of my favorite hobbies.

I'm Just Not That Into You

Remember the book that came out several years ago "He's Just Not That Into You"? I loved it. And now I would like my client to start taking hints and realize I'm just not that into her. I'm only sending about 5,000 nonverbal clues as I pass her in the hallway that she does not need to stop and speak. A simple hello is more than enough. But no, we speak for at least 10 minutes and as I walk away, I realize nothing productive just happened, I'm just 10 minutes older and not wiser.

She is one of the most passive aggressive people I have ever met...and that is saying a lot because my first boss was the Queen of Passive Agressivity. Shut up, it's a word. This is probably why we don't get along. I will always have a lot more respect for you if you just tell it how it is. I may not like your message, but I will get over faster having the facts straight up.

So here we are, existing in a passive aggressive saga where I try to stay as far away from her as possible without making it too obvious I'm avoiding her and she is stopping me for 10 minute conversations several times a day. I need a job where I can hide from people.

No Alarm = Bad Rest of Day

So my alarm didn't go off this morning. Possibly because I forgot to set it, but nevertheless, I rolled over and looked at the clock at 5:41 this morning. I'm supposed to be at work at 6:00.

After the world's fastest shower and make up, I arrived at 6:09...really not bad. On the drive to work, I kept telling myself that I was not going to allow this to ruin my entire day. Then I kept trying to think of the name of that book about choosing your mood for the day. It was something about fish maybe? Lots of references to Pike's Pier?? Anyway, at one point in my life, I read a book about how you control your destiny by choosing your attitude each day. Obviously it was phenomenal considering my current take away.

So I arrive at work, choosing my good attitude and immediately jump in to the hundred things that need to be finished before the clients arrive. As I'm celebrating the fact that I am clean, have brushed my teeth and have make up on, I realize something horrible. In my hurried rush, I'm wearing a bra whose underwire is trying to be an escape artist. By the end of the day, I will be the first person I know with an under arm piercing.

Harry

On Wednesday July 7, 2010, Harry the Chia Pet was laid to rest after an extended battle with dehydration. Although he only had a short life, it was one filled with stress and sadness. His beloved owner was sure to keep his hair trimmed neatly, but once it started turning blonde, there seemed to be no turning back.

While all the other plants in the office are saddened by this loss, they selfishly believe that this turn of events will lead to more water for them and that the death of Harry could be a wake up call for plants everywhere.