Online Shopping

I'm the first to admit that I don't do very much online shopping. Snarky and I were taking a walk Saturday and she told me that it's only a matter of time until she starts ordering toilet paper and having it delivered directly to her home. My boss always buys a slew of dresses online for any given event and then determines which one she wants to actually wear. Do to my hatred of the postal process, this seems like a nightmare to me. But to each his own.

Lately I've been doing a little more online shopping. I felt like it wouldn't be quite so overwhelming to choose my wedding gown if I had some kind of idea as to what exists out there. Then today, I decided to start looking for an engagement party dress. I understand that models are artists and all that, but how can you tell what a real person would look like wearing it unless they are standing like this?

My Future Career

Sometimes I find myself wondering what I would do if I didn't have a job in my current career. I love to write, but not everyone gets my sarcastic overtones. I like to sleep, but I don't know anyone who would pay me to do that. For the longest time I thought I would like a job in HR. I thought I could help people through their problems at work and everyone would live happily ever after.

Then I woke up. I would never be able to have a job in HR. People start telling me their minor little problems now and I want to tell them to put on their big girl panties and deal with it. Compassion does not come easily to me in the workplace. Maybe because former bosses have dealt with my whining by handing me a box of tissues, telling me to grow up or simply pretending the conversation about my unhappiness never even happened. I am a firm believer that if you don't like your job, you shouldn't be allowed to complain about it unless you are looking for another one. Even then, you shouldn't complain about it to your coworkers - it's a tough world out there and someone else may be happy to do your job with a good attitude.

More Wedding Gown Madness

The other night, my bridesmaid Snarky (NOT to be confused with Snooki) and I stopped in another shop to look at more dresses. We were greeted by this sweet little lady who started the tour of the shop by telling me to think it was my own walk in closet. Since I had gone in to work at 6:00 that morning, I was already a little punchy, so I looked at Snarky and said "I'll do my best not to change by the front door." Well, let me assure you that the rest of the appointment was downhill from there.

Sweet little lady - let's call her Gertrude (to protect her real identity), took what felt like a year to show us around the shop and tell us the order of the dresses. Then she kept apologizing that she may have to answer the phone or help other people. I was instantly relieved that she would not be able to spend the whole time in the dressing room with us. Then we would have to be on our best behavior and really, what fun would that be??

So Gertrude told Snarky that she should pick out a dress or two that she liked and would be something I wouldn't pull. I just need to be sure to tell you that when I tried that one on, Snarky started laughing and told me it looked like I had been attacked by some animal. Then Gertrude brought me one to try on and while it was on she kept talking about how sophisticated I looked in the dress. As soon as she was out the door, I looked at Snarky and told her we just found the theme of the wedding - Sarcasm and Sophistication.

As we were leaving, Gertrude was going on and on again about how she was sorry the evening had been so crazy, and as I was asking her to write down the dress info, she turned around and hugged me.

My Current Quandary

What adult in their right mind would wear a mini dress instead of a wedding gown? It was one thing as I was looking at runway pictures and thought, "wow, that's a cool, artsy dress that no one would actually wear to a wedding." Then, when I was shopping on Saturday, they had some in the store. To each his, own, but to the brides to be who are thinking about such a dress, please consider the following.

1. Your children will someday see this picture
2. Balloon mini skirts are not a "classic" look that will withstand the test of time
3. If you choose any day of your life to adequantly cover your rear end, I think your wedding day should be at the top of the list
4. What will your grandmother think of this choice?

As for the last thought, even if you are not fortunate enough for your grandmother to be alive for you wedding day, your dress should not make her roll over in her grave.

What Happened to My Brain?

I remember a time when I was intelligent. I didn't forget things on my to do list, I remembered people's birthdays and anniversaries. Well friends, those days are over. If I have forgotten to wish you a happy birthday, anniversary or any other celebration I am truly sorry. It isn't that I wish you ill, I just can't remember.

The worst part is that I have shoved all of those happy items out of my brain to make room for stressful, angry memories. This afternoon when I walked into our account executive's office, she asked a simple "what reason should I give for changing these terms?", with less than three minutes to contemplate this question, I listed eight items. The group was last hear over a year ago. I have the whole post event report memorized...why you ask? Because they managed to make the list of top five all time worst groups in the history of groups.

When I worked at the hotel, there were lots of "bad" groups. Planners who were a)disorganized, b) clueless, c) at the mercy of a crazy boss or any array of problems. Or the groups themselves were bad a)messy, b)rude, c) dressed like super heroes (which, by the way, is hard to pull off at over 300 lbs). I have only ever had the misfortune of one group being worse than this one. How could I NOT remember them?

So as my personal misfortune continues, they want to come back. I guess if I were going to look at the positive side, it would be that they have rave reviews about how nice it was to be here and how accommodating I was to their needs. See kids, sometimes being nice doesn't pay off, it just brings more heartache.

As for my memory, I remember it well. Maybe one day I will return to knowing important moments in my friends and families lives. I will remember why I went to the grocery store and maybe even remember when I am supposed to meet someone for lunch. Until that miracle drug is created, please send me a reminder.

Let me tell you a little story about a man named Dennis

Since I can't out clients who behave poorly for fear of it being unprofessional, wedding planning will be AMAZING. I can talk about all kinds of people.

A few weekends ago, Dave and I went to the great state where I grew up; Wild and Wonderful West Virginia. My mom had been kind enough to set up several appointments for us to see space for possible wedding receptions. I was most looking forward to visiting the capitol. As we entered, I was mesmerized by the marble walls, the chandeliers and really, just the grandeur of the building. Sadly, since I work in this industry, not a lot takes my breath away except for bad fish. I was immediately falling in love with this building.

Then we met the planner. Never in my life have I met someone so self absorbed during a site tour. During the hour that we spent there, he talked about his wife and granddaughter the ENTIRE time...well, except for the moments when he was offending different religions and ethnic groups. I'm sorry, but this is my wedding that we should be talking about. One or two sweet side stories about your personal life is fine, but I should  not have to remind you 3 times why we are there and you then avoid answering any of my questions! It was outrageous. I feel very sorry for any bride who entrusts her day to this man. When we went to look at dates, he had one paper calendar and three, THREE, folders that he had to flip through to see if space was available. All I could picture was a continued nightmare for the next 10 months. Needless to say, the beauty of the building was not enough to overcome what would inevitably be the biggest nightmare imaginable.