I would like to wish everyone Happy Birthday. You see, unless you make a really big deal out of your birthday, I will probably forget it. Sassy makes sure that everyone in the free world knows when her birthday is and that you better respect it. I therefore make sure to call Sassy every year on her birthday - no excuses.
As for everyone else - they aren't that lucky. It's not that I don't truly hope that you have a wonderful birthday. I do, I love birthdays, it's my favorite day of the year. I just have too many lyrics from 80's songs stuck in my head taking up valuable memory space.
So incase I have missed it - or for when I do miss it - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!
It's totally ok if you miss mine.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
With This Ring...
So my fiance and I recently started shopping for our wedding bands. Since I try to protect the innocent and the guilty I will give him the name Fabio. Last week, Fabio and I were out shopping for curtains for his house and while we were in the mall (a place he only goes in December), I said we should check out some wedding bands. Prior to our trip, Snarky had helpfully suggested that Fabio get a wedding band with a lot of bling. He immediately countered that he would get one with an emerald, amethyst and ruby so that it could look like a stop light. I felt like this project might take a while.
As we enter the jewelry store, this young, enthusiastic sales person is on her way to greet us when Fabio exclaims "I could get one that looks like a super bowl ring!". This became one of those moments when I wished it was socially acceptable to take pictures of strangers in public. She couldn't tell if he was being serious or how I was going to respond. Without any warning, her day just got a little crazier. From that moment she proceeded with great caution until she realized that he was just kidding around. Although Fabio doesn't like to shop, I have learned that he does have pretty good taste. After all, he did choose me.
As we enter the jewelry store, this young, enthusiastic sales person is on her way to greet us when Fabio exclaims "I could get one that looks like a super bowl ring!". This became one of those moments when I wished it was socially acceptable to take pictures of strangers in public. She couldn't tell if he was being serious or how I was going to respond. Without any warning, her day just got a little crazier. From that moment she proceeded with great caution until she realized that he was just kidding around. Although Fabio doesn't like to shop, I have learned that he does have pretty good taste. After all, he did choose me.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Comedy Tonight - Disaster
If my blog were old enough to have an archive, this would be in it. Unfortunately, I did not see fit to write down all the disasters of my life any earlier. This one is old but gold.
At one point, Snarky and I decided we needed to expand our dating horizons. I did a ton of research on restaurants and activities in different neighborhoods than the ones where we lived in hopes of meeting people we would not normally run into during our everyday life. Before venturing all the way up to University area (it's a horrible trip - probably 10 miles away) we decided to check out NoDa. See, we all know that I love to laugh and together, Snarky and I like to make fun of people. It seemed like the perfect choice to go to a stand up comic open mic night. We had no idea what was about to hit us.
So we drive across town, get in an argument with some guy who thinks we should pay him to park in a public parking lot, and make our way to the second story of a building that is on the edge of civilization. As we enter the building, we should have known something was wrong. There were only about 10 people in the entire place. I get my wallet out to pay the $5 cover which seemed completely reasonable to watch local stand up amateurs. Then we reach the table and the guy we are paying looks very confused. Suddenly, I wonder if we just paid some random guy the cover and he doesn't actually work there. Snarky and I stupidly just shrugged and went to find a seat. Like any good church goers, we stayed in the back. As we're sitting there, I'm beginning to wonder if I misread the start time. The place is still empty - just a handful of people. Then it starts - the MC takes the stage to give a welcome and calls out Snarky and I to move closer. Trying not to make a scene, we move into the center area of seats.
Now the show begins. The first poor soul gets up there and tries to be funny....then the next, and so on. Along about person number four, Snarky looks at me and almost simultaneously we realize what has happened. The reason the guy at the door seemed a bit confused is because no one has ever come to see this show before. The only people sitting around us are other participants of the evening. We are the ONLY people in the building who haven't prepared their 5 minute act. Luckily, we realized this before the comedians, because eventually, they too made this realization. Then they started heckling us. You can't walk out when you are the only two observers of this whole mess! So we sat there, not speaking, not even looking at each other because we knew we would immediately just lose it. Never have the two of us been so quiet. Never have we longed so much for something to end (except maybe work). After the last "comedian" performed, the MC asked to make sure we didn't want to say anything. We both politely declined and hightailed it out of there. When we finally hit the sidewalk outside the building we burst into a fit of laughter that had us both laughing so hard that we couldn't see through all the tears.
If I could teach anyone one lesson from this experience, it would be that if you ever want to see comedy, you should probably not go to an open mic night.
At one point, Snarky and I decided we needed to expand our dating horizons. I did a ton of research on restaurants and activities in different neighborhoods than the ones where we lived in hopes of meeting people we would not normally run into during our everyday life. Before venturing all the way up to University area (it's a horrible trip - probably 10 miles away) we decided to check out NoDa. See, we all know that I love to laugh and together, Snarky and I like to make fun of people. It seemed like the perfect choice to go to a stand up comic open mic night. We had no idea what was about to hit us.
So we drive across town, get in an argument with some guy who thinks we should pay him to park in a public parking lot, and make our way to the second story of a building that is on the edge of civilization. As we enter the building, we should have known something was wrong. There were only about 10 people in the entire place. I get my wallet out to pay the $5 cover which seemed completely reasonable to watch local stand up amateurs. Then we reach the table and the guy we are paying looks very confused. Suddenly, I wonder if we just paid some random guy the cover and he doesn't actually work there. Snarky and I stupidly just shrugged and went to find a seat. Like any good church goers, we stayed in the back. As we're sitting there, I'm beginning to wonder if I misread the start time. The place is still empty - just a handful of people. Then it starts - the MC takes the stage to give a welcome and calls out Snarky and I to move closer. Trying not to make a scene, we move into the center area of seats.
Now the show begins. The first poor soul gets up there and tries to be funny....then the next, and so on. Along about person number four, Snarky looks at me and almost simultaneously we realize what has happened. The reason the guy at the door seemed a bit confused is because no one has ever come to see this show before. The only people sitting around us are other participants of the evening. We are the ONLY people in the building who haven't prepared their 5 minute act. Luckily, we realized this before the comedians, because eventually, they too made this realization. Then they started heckling us. You can't walk out when you are the only two observers of this whole mess! So we sat there, not speaking, not even looking at each other because we knew we would immediately just lose it. Never have the two of us been so quiet. Never have we longed so much for something to end (except maybe work). After the last "comedian" performed, the MC asked to make sure we didn't want to say anything. We both politely declined and hightailed it out of there. When we finally hit the sidewalk outside the building we burst into a fit of laughter that had us both laughing so hard that we couldn't see through all the tears.
If I could teach anyone one lesson from this experience, it would be that if you ever want to see comedy, you should probably not go to an open mic night.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Dear Facebook
Dear Facebook,
I understand your need to constantly correct and improve yourself. I think it's a goal that we should all take upon ourselves in our daily life. However, I have just one question to ask. If I am sending someone a message and want to have two paragraphs, how can I accomplish this goal in my life when hitting the enter button causes the message to send? You are making me feel like I don't know how to use the internet.
Sincerely,
The Smartest Person in the Room
I understand your need to constantly correct and improve yourself. I think it's a goal that we should all take upon ourselves in our daily life. However, I have just one question to ask. If I am sending someone a message and want to have two paragraphs, how can I accomplish this goal in my life when hitting the enter button causes the message to send? You are making me feel like I don't know how to use the internet.
Sincerely,
The Smartest Person in the Room
Monday, June 6, 2011
A Quick Errand
I am not a scientist. I do not play a scientist on TV. I am a meeting planner who is frequently panicked about running out of time to do all the things on my list on any given day. So when I try to run a quick errand and it turns into the biggest nightmare of my day, my face turns red.
When I recently went to our vendor to pick up linens, I was near red faced at my arrival. It was no fault of the vendor - I forgot to tell them that we were going to be closed on Friday and that they would not be able to deliver. So first thing Monday morning I called to explain what had happened and begged for their mercy to allow me to come pick up enough linen to get me through until the next delivery. All I wanted was linens. All I came for was linens. I did not stop by for a science lesson.
Upon entering the office, I was greeted by a nice lady who initially seemed like most any other receptionist I have ever met. Then she became talkative and inquisitive.
"How do you feel about the tsunami and all of the recent tornadoes?" she asked.
I paused for a moment and cautiously replied, "I think all the devastation is very sad." I realize it's not an award winning answer, but how was I supposed to respond? "I think it's GREAT!"
She then began to share with me her thoughts on Pangaea and that all of these weather fronts are the continents trying to move back together. See Pangaea Info for the whole history (because to be honest, I had forgotten about that part of science class). I left with a feeling of amazement that she pointed out that she thought the recent warnings of the end of the world was crazy but she so steadfastly held to this idea and was so serious.
Serious or not, and no matter what theory you believe or don't - all I wanted were some napkins and table cloths. Instead, I turned red faced, my head almost exploded and an errand that should have taken 15 minutes turned into 45.
When I recently went to our vendor to pick up linens, I was near red faced at my arrival. It was no fault of the vendor - I forgot to tell them that we were going to be closed on Friday and that they would not be able to deliver. So first thing Monday morning I called to explain what had happened and begged for their mercy to allow me to come pick up enough linen to get me through until the next delivery. All I wanted was linens. All I came for was linens. I did not stop by for a science lesson.
Upon entering the office, I was greeted by a nice lady who initially seemed like most any other receptionist I have ever met. Then she became talkative and inquisitive.
"How do you feel about the tsunami and all of the recent tornadoes?" she asked.
I paused for a moment and cautiously replied, "I think all the devastation is very sad." I realize it's not an award winning answer, but how was I supposed to respond? "I think it's GREAT!"
She then began to share with me her thoughts on Pangaea and that all of these weather fronts are the continents trying to move back together. See Pangaea Info for the whole history (because to be honest, I had forgotten about that part of science class). I left with a feeling of amazement that she pointed out that she thought the recent warnings of the end of the world was crazy but she so steadfastly held to this idea and was so serious.
Serious or not, and no matter what theory you believe or don't - all I wanted were some napkins and table cloths. Instead, I turned red faced, my head almost exploded and an errand that should have taken 15 minutes turned into 45.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
there is a Disco Ball ruining my day
This week is apparently the week of time sucks. Every meeting I sit through lasts forever with no new conclusion. I have mounds of work piling up on my desk, phone calls to return, information to send. I can't seem to keep my head above water. Then this afternoon someone comes into my office to tell me that there is a rental company asking for me in the lobby. Ok, I used to work for a rental company - I know how they operate - SLOWLY. So I go meet the guy - seems nice, probably right out of college and can't find the job he really wants. I show him where to set up and tell him I will hang around until the placement of the disco ball is determined.
What's that you say? You thought I worked at a corporate conference center? Yeah, that's what I thought too. Anyway, they drag in a whole bunch of stuff and start setting up - the craps table. I think, well, the pieces are heavy and they might as well put them in place as they bring them in. Then they roll out the felt and start placing it on the table...as I'm sitting there watching them. Does anyone remember the sentence where I said I was only staying until the disco ball was up? When they start using rolled up tape to clean any lint off of the table is when I can't take it anymore and tell them to stop playing with the table and set up the disco ball so that if they need anything from me I am still there. I don't think they like me anymore. And quite frankly, I don't care...because now I am back in my office where I can get work done and complain about them on my blog.
P.S. to all my English teaching and loving friends - I do realize that the title of this post is not correct. However, it was visually pleasing to me this way.
What's that you say? You thought I worked at a corporate conference center? Yeah, that's what I thought too. Anyway, they drag in a whole bunch of stuff and start setting up - the craps table. I think, well, the pieces are heavy and they might as well put them in place as they bring them in. Then they roll out the felt and start placing it on the table...as I'm sitting there watching them. Does anyone remember the sentence where I said I was only staying until the disco ball was up? When they start using rolled up tape to clean any lint off of the table is when I can't take it anymore and tell them to stop playing with the table and set up the disco ball so that if they need anything from me I am still there. I don't think they like me anymore. And quite frankly, I don't care...because now I am back in my office where I can get work done and complain about them on my blog.
P.S. to all my English teaching and loving friends - I do realize that the title of this post is not correct. However, it was visually pleasing to me this way.
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