The One About the Annoying Co-worker...

Hi readers, it’s Snarky.  I’m honored that Carrie asked me to guest blog while she is enjoying her honeymoon.  So here goes….

 

I work in a pretty stuffy, corporate office and one of my co-workers is well, basically, a hot mess.  For this post I will refer to her as Sneezy because one of her worst offenses is being allergic to our office, apparently. She says she only sneezes when she's at work, but it's less like sneezing and more like machine gun fire at the same volume.  She needs medication and possibly a face mask.  Anyway, Sneezy has many qualities that would serve her well elsewhere, but not in this office.  Let me paint you a picture.  

Let's start with her wardrobe.  In my office conservative is the order of the day.  Men wear suits and ties and women dress the hell up.  Not Sneezy.  Since joining our company earlier this year she has amazed us with her inability to adapt to her surroundings.  She has on various occasions worn the following: sheer white top with black tank, jeans with holes, 5 inch Ed Hardy heels, espadrille wedge sandals, sleeveless and spaghetti strap shirts, shorts, and......pigtails in her hair.  I actually own a number of these items too and I WEAR THEM ON THE WEEKEND!  How is anyone supposed to take her, or any of us by association, seriously if she's nodding her head and fricking pigtails are bouncing around?!

Ok, now picture a girl in pigtails, sheer shirt, and 5 inch heels running around an office.  For some reason Sneezy is incapable of just walking, but instead must run....like someone is chasing her to the printer.  Dude, just walk.  You look crazy if you run in an office and nothing is on fire.  

Now on to her desk.  Crafts made by her kids and photos of the kids hang all over it.  And she ordered matching purple desk accessories, so it resembles a teen bedroom.  I'll admit I'm pretty OCD about clutter, but her desk is one glue stick away from a birdcage made of popsicle sticks.  She also has a penchant for an electric stapler that sounds more like a nail gun.  Sometimes she staples things for hours and I want to plead with her to please go green, spare the trees, and stopping stapling every piece of paper ever made!

And then there's the sound of her voice.  Ok maybe the sound is a pet peeve only I've acquired, mainly because it usually means she's droning on about some inane topic that I have no interest in, and because I don’t have an office or walls to protect me so I am her hostage.  She has started actual sentences with "I know you don't like to cook, but there's a sale at the grocery store on such and such and blah blah blah."  If you know I don't like to cook, then don't tell me about anything that pertains to cooking!  It's simple really.  And when she speaks she sounds ridiculous.  Sneezy says "ma'am" to everyone about everything.  All day long she's ma'aming herself into some kind of Emily Post nightmare.   And lastly, Sneezy’s favorite phrase is the one that reveals her country bumpkin roots: fixin'.  Sneezy often says that her boss –an executive- is “fixin’” to get off a call or “fixin’” to join a meeting.  Ah, fixin', one of the all time most redneck phrases.  Well, I am fixin' to yank out her pigtails and staple her mouth shut.

Man it felt good to vent! 

Until next time,
Snarky