Laying Down the Law

You probably won't find this too surprising, but certain things on Facebook drive me insane. Here is a working list of things that I think should be banned.

DISCLAIMER: If your panties are in a wad and you take every last little thing so personally that you cry every day, you should probably skip this post. Items mentioned below are not from one individual person but from a wide array of multiple offenders.

1. Your running list of errands for the week. Ok sure, you want people to know where you are and what your doing and if you are me, you want to tell the whole world that you have actually made it to the gym so that you can be praised for the effort. What I don't want to read is what you are doing for the WEEK. One day at a time people, one day at a time. (now One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus is stuck in my head)

2. Your doctor's appointments. I will give you a pass if you are seriously ill and trying to update a large group of people about what is going on. If you or your husband has a runny nose, I have a status update for you...no one cares.

3. Stuff you are selling for your kids. I had to go out and bother my parent's friends personally or over the phone. It was an effort to teach me how to interact with adults. You should try it, if your kid is old enough to be selling candy bars, they can get out from behind your legs and ask me to buy one. They're cuter and would have better luck anyway. It's easy for me to ignore your post or tell you no. I do feel I need to give this a disclaimer, after all, I do realize that your child is precious and that he or she could be kidnapped just walking up to strangers doors. Just stop pushing their wrapping paper on me is all I'm asking.

4. Games - I understand that you may like to play Mafia Wars, or Farmville, and I know how to block those things from my feed so that we can coexist peacefully. However, once you start having full wall conversations about needing help with your farm as if you actually live on one and are unable to harvest the crops and your friends are chiming in about ways to help...I am over it. Here I am thinking that you are in real need of help but really, it's just the game.

5. Negative Nancy - I'm going to take you off my news feed if you can't find something nice or humorous to say every once in a while. I know I have a pretty good life, and not everyone I know can say the same. We all hit rough points, and need a friend to help us out. But help me out, if you're having a good hair day, post that every once in a while!

I would like to dedicate this post to Christy. This whole post began as a venting email because I knew she felt my pain.

In my next life

I've determined that my previous lives were not entertaining or exciting. I was probably a turtle (my skin get so scaly in the winter), or a bear (you have no idea how much I love to sleep). While I want my next life to be more exciting, I have been thinking maybe I could just work on this life being more exciting. It's a better idea since I don't actual believe in reincarnation.

Recently, I decided to start a list of 40 things to do before I turn 40. I attempted this for my 30th birthday and not only did I not complete the items on the list, but I was too lazy to even finish the list. Since I started the list at 28, I thought I might have better luck if I started now, as I am on the verge of 32...8 years to complete the list instead of 2. Since you haven't seen the original list, I may even steal some items that were never finished from it.

So I guess that really, it is an early bucket list. Since we know I never made it to 30 items the first time, 40 might be a stretch. If you have suggestions, let me know!!

Swerved with...

I think faster than I type. Luckily for you, I proofread most of the time. Although lately, I have found myself misspelling the same things over and over. Mostly because I type the same things numerous times each day.

For example: At the end of every lunch description I type "Served with Sweet and Unsweetened Tea" However it often starts as Swerved with.

I also realize that I see a right and wrong with little to no gray area for most things around me. This causes emails I write to be somewhat straight forward without much fluff. I don't like fluff in communication or on a buffet. To ease it up without putting the ever unprofessional smiley face at the end of each email, I sign it Kind Regards. Very unfortunately, I have found myself typing Kind Retards more and more often lately. If I ever hit send before I catch that one, it could be a BIG problem!! :)

I model for Versace

Yesterday, Dave and I went to the Panthers game. It was sad from any perspective you try. Saturday was sunny and hot, yesterday was cold and rainy. While I have longed for cooler weather, I wasn't so excited about the rain and my sitting outside. The game was painful to watch for a host of reasons, the least of which was the weather. I hate to be a fair weather (ha) fan, but come on.

Anyway, the great thing about games is no matter how poor the athleticism, the people watching is superb. Now remember, it was about 70 and pouring rain. Near the end of the first quarter this couple comes and sits in front of us. Let's call them Robert and Victoria. I feel certain these are not their real names, but I feel they could be. Robert is early 40's, salt and pepper hair, chubby face and chubby body. His face looks a bit like a cat to me. Victoria weighs about 6 pounds, 3 pounds of which is make up and she is dressed in cocktail attire, not sportswear. As the camera guy comes near our section of the stadium she starts yelling "film us! film us! I model for Versace, you should put me on camera!"

Weightloss Battle Continues

I mere 5 days after returning from vacation, I have lost 4.5 pounds. Although it has come at a cost. I truly hate working out. While it may be mean and uncalled for, I have found that a big motivator in getting myself to the gym is to force myself to stand naked infront of a full length mirror for 3 minutes each morning and think about all the things I could balance on my hips. Or the things that would just sit there, as if on a shelf. While I returned from vacation Wed evening, today is my first day back at work. The true test will be if I can come home and not immediately start eating.

Music is also no longer a motivator in my workouts, so I have downloaded several podcasts in a series of "things you should know". They are very random and therefore I think are the perfect thing for me to listen to and increase my knowledge of useless facts!

The Art of Gardening

So that no one feels like I am killing plants in my office but running a farm somewhere else, I thought I would further prove why I should not be trusted with agriculture. Earlier this summer I decided that even though I didn't have my own house and therefore could not plant a garden, I could at least grow herbs.

This is yet another venture that I blame/credit Kelli with starting. You see, I went to her house where there is lots and lots of land. She and her husband had planted all these foods that I thought would be amazing to have right outside my front door. Alas, I do not have land, I have an apartment that my landlord would frown upon my turning the backyard into a farm. Instead, I came up with the grand plan to grow herbs.

So off to Lowe's I went. It was completely overwhelming and I left. Then I went to Target and was able to find everything I thought I needed. After reading the directions, I planted basil, cilantro, rosemary and parsley. I never eat parsley, but it seemed like a good idea in the moment.

A few weeks later, I had basil, and a ton of it. There were three sprigs of cilantro and nothing else. A week later, the cilantro was gone and the basil was flourishing. I used the basil to make a few dishes and then tragedy. It all died. In a matter of moments. This is what it looks like now :(

Vacation

I love going on vacation...different city to explore, sites to see, food that you don't have where you live, and most importantly, a break from work. I'm shocked though at my complete reckless abandon when it comes to food on vacation. Last Thursday as I left work, I stopped to pick up chocolate chip cookies to celebrate. All I was doing was leaving work, nothing that actually deserved a cookie or three. Friday I decided that since I had cleaned out the refrigerator and car, I should eat a bag of chips with onion dip and a sub. Saturday I ate a pizza and "needed" to go to Dairy Queen. So far, we hadn't even left for vacation.

Sunday, we finally leave for our trip to DC and Philly. Of course, there is no eating healthy before we get on the road. About an hour and a half into the trip, we stop at Arby's for lunch. For dinner, we meet up with one of my college friends and I of course choose sweet potato fries with my sandwich and two glasses of wine. Did I mention that I have also had about 15 sodas in this time frame?

Monday, we arrive in a town outside of Philadelphia at Dave's aunt and uncle's home. They made steaks, with green beans and potatoes for dinner. This was after an eager destruction of chips and hummus and two glasses of wine when we first arrived. After dinner, and another glass of wine, Dave's aunt brings out an homemade blueberry pie. Did I mention that I hate blueberries? Actually, there are several superfoods that I'm not all that crazy about. In an effort to be polite, and because it was being served with homemade ice cream, I ate two pieces. It was the best blueberry dish I have EVER had.

Tuesday, we traveled into Philadelphia to see the Art Museum, Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell and the like. Dave's uncle was a gracious tour guide and had even researched the best cheesesteak in town. It was marvelous. So marvelous in it's greasy glory that you could see through the wax paper it was served on after the meal. That evening, we were treated to an Asian Fusion restaurant where I stuffed myself with fried rice, salmon, edamame dumplings and of course, an absolutely decadent dessert.

During this binge, Dave has gained 1.5 pounds, I have gained 5. So today begins a new phase of my life. Today I vow to end my abusive relationship with food. No longer will each encounter be a conquest that I must win. Instead, I will respect the food that enters my mouth and refrain from eating as much as I can until I feel sick. I have also decided to enter the Charlotte No Fizz challenge - 60 for 60 hydration challenge. I'm a day late, but hey, better late than never?