The Art of Gardening

So that no one feels like I am killing plants in my office but running a farm somewhere else, I thought I would further prove why I should not be trusted with agriculture. Earlier this summer I decided that even though I didn't have my own house and therefore could not plant a garden, I could at least grow herbs.

This is yet another venture that I blame/credit Kelli with starting. You see, I went to her house where there is lots and lots of land. She and her husband had planted all these foods that I thought would be amazing to have right outside my front door. Alas, I do not have land, I have an apartment that my landlord would frown upon my turning the backyard into a farm. Instead, I came up with the grand plan to grow herbs.

So off to Lowe's I went. It was completely overwhelming and I left. Then I went to Target and was able to find everything I thought I needed. After reading the directions, I planted basil, cilantro, rosemary and parsley. I never eat parsley, but it seemed like a good idea in the moment.

A few weeks later, I had basil, and a ton of it. There were three sprigs of cilantro and nothing else. A week later, the cilantro was gone and the basil was flourishing. I used the basil to make a few dishes and then tragedy. It all died. In a matter of moments. This is what it looks like now :(

Vacation

I love going on vacation...different city to explore, sites to see, food that you don't have where you live, and most importantly, a break from work. I'm shocked though at my complete reckless abandon when it comes to food on vacation. Last Thursday as I left work, I stopped to pick up chocolate chip cookies to celebrate. All I was doing was leaving work, nothing that actually deserved a cookie or three. Friday I decided that since I had cleaned out the refrigerator and car, I should eat a bag of chips with onion dip and a sub. Saturday I ate a pizza and "needed" to go to Dairy Queen. So far, we hadn't even left for vacation.

Sunday, we finally leave for our trip to DC and Philly. Of course, there is no eating healthy before we get on the road. About an hour and a half into the trip, we stop at Arby's for lunch. For dinner, we meet up with one of my college friends and I of course choose sweet potato fries with my sandwich and two glasses of wine. Did I mention that I have also had about 15 sodas in this time frame?

Monday, we arrive in a town outside of Philadelphia at Dave's aunt and uncle's home. They made steaks, with green beans and potatoes for dinner. This was after an eager destruction of chips and hummus and two glasses of wine when we first arrived. After dinner, and another glass of wine, Dave's aunt brings out an homemade blueberry pie. Did I mention that I hate blueberries? Actually, there are several superfoods that I'm not all that crazy about. In an effort to be polite, and because it was being served with homemade ice cream, I ate two pieces. It was the best blueberry dish I have EVER had.

Tuesday, we traveled into Philadelphia to see the Art Museum, Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell and the like. Dave's uncle was a gracious tour guide and had even researched the best cheesesteak in town. It was marvelous. So marvelous in it's greasy glory that you could see through the wax paper it was served on after the meal. That evening, we were treated to an Asian Fusion restaurant where I stuffed myself with fried rice, salmon, edamame dumplings and of course, an absolutely decadent dessert.

During this binge, Dave has gained 1.5 pounds, I have gained 5. So today begins a new phase of my life. Today I vow to end my abusive relationship with food. No longer will each encounter be a conquest that I must win. Instead, I will respect the food that enters my mouth and refrain from eating as much as I can until I feel sick. I have also decided to enter the Charlotte No Fizz challenge - 60 for 60 hydration challenge. I'm a day late, but hey, better late than never?

Monday Mornings

Do you ever have issues in the morning? I have issues all day long, but they are much fuzzier in the morning. Let's take today for example. I have already been awake for 4.5 hours. About 5 minutes ago I was writing an email to my coworkers and thought "the send button on my email looks weird". I probably send 50 emails per day from Outlook. Why all of a sudden does the button look unfamiliar to me? It's like it's missing something. I just can't figure out what...I mean, it still says "send" which is all it really needs.

After all this contemplation, I think to myself, this is why I'm not more successful. I have just lost 12 minutes of my life trying to figure out what is wrong with my send button. And let's face it, in an hour it will be something else. I am the person who is distracted by shiny objects. If only I could focus my powers and use them for good, not random, we could be a little closer to world peace.

ok, maybe that's an exaggeration, but you never know...

Hips Don't Lie

I love chocolate. And cookies, ice cream, bread, potato chips and pepperoni rolls. I also wonder why my hips are in competition with my shoulders to see who can be wider. For the majority of my life, my shoulders have won. One night during rehearsal for a musical, the costumer was taking my measurements and asked if I had trouble finding clothes to fit because my shoulders were "broad and sturdy". These are not words that a girl wants to hear.

Anyway, in recent years, I have found that I can no longer simply stop eating all of the above mentioned foods and drop 5 pounds. This sucks for lack of a better term. So, now that I am nearing the atrocious weight of when I graduated from college, I'm trying to reign it back in. It makes me sad, because I will miss you fried, sweet and salty foods. But I'm sure one day I will see you again. After all, emotional eating is one of my favorite hobbies.

I'm Just Not That Into You

Remember the book that came out several years ago "He's Just Not That Into You"? I loved it. And now I would like my client to start taking hints and realize I'm just not that into her. I'm only sending about 5,000 nonverbal clues as I pass her in the hallway that she does not need to stop and speak. A simple hello is more than enough. But no, we speak for at least 10 minutes and as I walk away, I realize nothing productive just happened, I'm just 10 minutes older and not wiser.

She is one of the most passive aggressive people I have ever met...and that is saying a lot because my first boss was the Queen of Passive Agressivity. Shut up, it's a word. This is probably why we don't get along. I will always have a lot more respect for you if you just tell it how it is. I may not like your message, but I will get over faster having the facts straight up.

So here we are, existing in a passive aggressive saga where I try to stay as far away from her as possible without making it too obvious I'm avoiding her and she is stopping me for 10 minute conversations several times a day. I need a job where I can hide from people.

No Alarm = Bad Rest of Day

So my alarm didn't go off this morning. Possibly because I forgot to set it, but nevertheless, I rolled over and looked at the clock at 5:41 this morning. I'm supposed to be at work at 6:00.

After the world's fastest shower and make up, I arrived at 6:09...really not bad. On the drive to work, I kept telling myself that I was not going to allow this to ruin my entire day. Then I kept trying to think of the name of that book about choosing your mood for the day. It was something about fish maybe? Lots of references to Pike's Pier?? Anyway, at one point in my life, I read a book about how you control your destiny by choosing your attitude each day. Obviously it was phenomenal considering my current take away.

So I arrive at work, choosing my good attitude and immediately jump in to the hundred things that need to be finished before the clients arrive. As I'm celebrating the fact that I am clean, have brushed my teeth and have make up on, I realize something horrible. In my hurried rush, I'm wearing a bra whose underwire is trying to be an escape artist. By the end of the day, I will be the first person I know with an under arm piercing.

Harry

On Wednesday July 7, 2010, Harry the Chia Pet was laid to rest after an extended battle with dehydration. Although he only had a short life, it was one filled with stress and sadness. His beloved owner was sure to keep his hair trimmed neatly, but once it started turning blonde, there seemed to be no turning back.

While all the other plants in the office are saddened by this loss, they selfishly believe that this turn of events will lead to more water for them and that the death of Harry could be a wake up call for plants everywhere.