For your own safety

 I realize that all you want to do is sit at your desk and look up pricing on the internet for new things to buy. However, what I have asked you to do is inventory. Nobody likes it, everybody hates it....you can even sing the song while you are back there counting things. However, it does us no good to start pricing items when we don't know if we even need them. For your own safety, stop arguing with me every time I give you a project.

I understand that you think your way is the better way of doing something, but just once, I would like you to consider that maybe I have a reason for the way I'm asking for this to be done. While it makes more sense for you to start set up in one room, maybe that room is in use, maybe there are items being stored in that room for another group. MAYBE you should do things the way that I ask you to....for your own safety.

I appreciate that you think because you had a difficult time finding a place to park yesterday that you are now an expert in large groups. However, pointing at me and telling me that you spent all your time "dealing" with the parking situation is your own problem. To my knowledge there was no "situation", just some people trying to park. If you would like to keep that finger, I suggest that you stop using it to point at me during our discussion.

Little White Lies

It's the age old question...is a little white lie ok? They seem harmless, but are they? Someone will end up paying for the lie....
1. We had an accident with the pasta salad - makes the servers look clumsy
2. You look great in that dress - now you are out in public looking like a fool
3. That cookie is fat free - ok, no one really ever believes that one!

But I hope that you can see my point. While they seem innocent, someone is left to look foolish. So what if people refer to you as harsh or insensitive. At least you are honest.

I am not as stealthy as a Ninja

I like to think that I am highly professional most moments of my life. What is interesting about my current life, is that I get to do a little bit of everything, meeting planning, table moving, buffet set up...if it needs to be done, sometimes I'm the only one around to do it. Today we have a very small meeting and so there was no need to pay to have servers here when I can  mess it up myself.

So here's how it went down. I load up everything the group will need for lunch onto a cart, so that I can just roll it into the room, drop it on tables, take the dirty dishes and break food away and get out of the room. Great plan right? The loading of the cart went well, but the rest, not so stealthy. I quietly near the door to the room with my cart, slowly turn the handle of the door and cccrrraaaaacccckk POP, well, now the door is open. I make my way into the room, smile at all the people who are now staring at me and get to work. As quietly as possible, I'm picking up break food, setting out lunch food, clearing trays of dirty dishes and refreshing water glasses. I move so smoothly and quietly the group is able to turn their focus back to the original topic. I'm feeling much better about this situation until I finish. I have to open that door again...no ninja status today.

Online Shopping

I'm the first to admit that I don't do very much online shopping. Snarky and I were taking a walk Saturday and she told me that it's only a matter of time until she starts ordering toilet paper and having it delivered directly to her home. My boss always buys a slew of dresses online for any given event and then determines which one she wants to actually wear. Do to my hatred of the postal process, this seems like a nightmare to me. But to each his own.

Lately I've been doing a little more online shopping. I felt like it wouldn't be quite so overwhelming to choose my wedding gown if I had some kind of idea as to what exists out there. Then today, I decided to start looking for an engagement party dress. I understand that models are artists and all that, but how can you tell what a real person would look like wearing it unless they are standing like this?

My Future Career

Sometimes I find myself wondering what I would do if I didn't have a job in my current career. I love to write, but not everyone gets my sarcastic overtones. I like to sleep, but I don't know anyone who would pay me to do that. For the longest time I thought I would like a job in HR. I thought I could help people through their problems at work and everyone would live happily ever after.

Then I woke up. I would never be able to have a job in HR. People start telling me their minor little problems now and I want to tell them to put on their big girl panties and deal with it. Compassion does not come easily to me in the workplace. Maybe because former bosses have dealt with my whining by handing me a box of tissues, telling me to grow up or simply pretending the conversation about my unhappiness never even happened. I am a firm believer that if you don't like your job, you shouldn't be allowed to complain about it unless you are looking for another one. Even then, you shouldn't complain about it to your coworkers - it's a tough world out there and someone else may be happy to do your job with a good attitude.

More Wedding Gown Madness

The other night, my bridesmaid Snarky (NOT to be confused with Snooki) and I stopped in another shop to look at more dresses. We were greeted by this sweet little lady who started the tour of the shop by telling me to think it was my own walk in closet. Since I had gone in to work at 6:00 that morning, I was already a little punchy, so I looked at Snarky and said "I'll do my best not to change by the front door." Well, let me assure you that the rest of the appointment was downhill from there.

Sweet little lady - let's call her Gertrude (to protect her real identity), took what felt like a year to show us around the shop and tell us the order of the dresses. Then she kept apologizing that she may have to answer the phone or help other people. I was instantly relieved that she would not be able to spend the whole time in the dressing room with us. Then we would have to be on our best behavior and really, what fun would that be??

So Gertrude told Snarky that she should pick out a dress or two that she liked and would be something I wouldn't pull. I just need to be sure to tell you that when I tried that one on, Snarky started laughing and told me it looked like I had been attacked by some animal. Then Gertrude brought me one to try on and while it was on she kept talking about how sophisticated I looked in the dress. As soon as she was out the door, I looked at Snarky and told her we just found the theme of the wedding - Sarcasm and Sophistication.

As we were leaving, Gertrude was going on and on again about how she was sorry the evening had been so crazy, and as I was asking her to write down the dress info, she turned around and hugged me.

My Current Quandary

What adult in their right mind would wear a mini dress instead of a wedding gown? It was one thing as I was looking at runway pictures and thought, "wow, that's a cool, artsy dress that no one would actually wear to a wedding." Then, when I was shopping on Saturday, they had some in the store. To each his, own, but to the brides to be who are thinking about such a dress, please consider the following.

1. Your children will someday see this picture
2. Balloon mini skirts are not a "classic" look that will withstand the test of time
3. If you choose any day of your life to adequantly cover your rear end, I think your wedding day should be at the top of the list
4. What will your grandmother think of this choice?

As for the last thought, even if you are not fortunate enough for your grandmother to be alive for you wedding day, your dress should not make her roll over in her grave.