Comedy Tonight - Disaster

If my blog were old enough to have an archive, this would be in it. Unfortunately, I did not see fit to write down all the disasters of my life any earlier. This one is old but gold.

At one point, Snarky and I decided we needed to expand our dating horizons. I did a ton of research on restaurants and activities in different neighborhoods than the ones where we lived in hopes of meeting people we would not normally run into during our everyday life. Before venturing all the way up to University area (it's a horrible trip - probably 10 miles away) we decided to check out NoDa. See, we all know that I love to laugh and together, Snarky and I like to make fun of people. It seemed like the perfect choice to go to a stand up comic open mic night. We had no idea what was about to hit us.

So we drive across town, get in an argument with some guy who thinks we should pay him to park in a public parking lot, and make our way to the second story of a building that is on the edge of civilization. As we enter the building, we should have known something was wrong. There were only about 10 people in the entire place. I get my wallet out to pay the $5 cover which seemed completely reasonable to watch local stand up amateurs. Then we reach the table and the guy we are paying looks very confused. Suddenly, I wonder if we just paid some random guy the cover and he doesn't actually work there. Snarky and I stupidly just shrugged and went to find a seat. Like any good church goers, we stayed in the back. As we're sitting there, I'm beginning to wonder if I misread the start time. The place is still empty - just a handful of people. Then it starts - the MC takes the stage to give a welcome and calls out Snarky and I to move closer. Trying not to make a scene, we move into the center area of seats.

Now the show begins. The first poor soul gets up there and tries to be funny....then the next, and so on. Along about person number four, Snarky looks at me and almost simultaneously we realize what has happened. The reason the guy at the door seemed a bit confused is because no one has ever come to see this show before. The only people sitting around us are other participants of the evening. We are the ONLY people in the building who haven't prepared their 5 minute act. Luckily, we realized this before the comedians, because eventually, they too made this realization. Then they started heckling us. You can't walk out when you are the only two observers of this whole mess! So we sat there, not speaking, not even looking at each other because we knew we would immediately just lose it. Never have the two of us been so quiet. Never have we longed so much for something to end (except maybe work). After the last "comedian" performed, the MC asked to make sure we didn't want to say anything. We both politely declined and hightailed it out of there. When we finally hit the sidewalk outside the building we burst into a fit of laughter that had us both laughing so hard that we couldn't see through all the tears.

If I could teach anyone one lesson from this experience, it would be that if you ever want to see comedy, you should probably not go to an open mic night.

Dear Facebook

Dear Facebook,

I understand your need to constantly correct and improve yourself. I think it's a goal that we should all take upon ourselves in our daily life. However, I have just one question to ask. If I am sending someone a message and want to have two paragraphs, how can I accomplish this goal in my life when hitting the enter button causes the message to send? You are making me feel like I don't know how to use the internet.

Sincerely,

The Smartest Person in the Room

A Quick Errand

I am not a scientist. I do not play a scientist on TV. I am a meeting planner who is frequently panicked about running out of time to do all the things on my list on any given day. So when I try to run a quick errand and it turns into the biggest nightmare of my day, my face turns red.

When I recently went to our vendor to pick up linens, I was near red faced at my arrival. It was no fault of the vendor - I forgot to tell them that we were going to be closed on Friday and that they would not be able to deliver. So first thing Monday morning I called to explain what had happened and begged for their mercy to allow me to come pick up enough linen to get me through until the next delivery. All I wanted was linens. All I came for was linens. I did not stop by for a science lesson.

Upon entering the office, I was greeted by a nice lady who initially seemed like most any other receptionist I have ever met. Then she became talkative and inquisitive.

"How do you feel about the tsunami and all of the recent tornadoes?" she asked.

I paused for a moment and cautiously replied, "I think all the devastation is very sad." I realize it's not an award winning answer, but how was I supposed to respond? "I think it's GREAT!"

She then began to share with me her thoughts on Pangaea and that all of these weather fronts are the continents trying to move back together. See Pangaea Info for the whole history (because to be honest, I had forgotten about that part of science class). I left with a feeling of amazement that she pointed out that she thought the recent warnings of the end of the world was crazy but she so steadfastly held to this idea and was so serious.

Serious or not, and no matter what theory you believe or don't - all I wanted were some napkins and table cloths. Instead, I turned red faced, my head almost exploded and an errand that should have taken 15 minutes turned into 45.

there is a Disco Ball ruining my day

This week is apparently the week of time sucks. Every meeting I sit through lasts forever with no new conclusion. I have mounds of work piling up on my desk, phone calls to return, information to send. I can't seem to keep my head above water. Then this afternoon someone comes into my office to tell me that there is a rental company asking for me in the lobby. Ok, I used to work for a rental company - I know how they operate - SLOWLY. So I go meet the guy - seems nice, probably right out of college and can't find the job he really wants. I show him where to set up and tell him I will hang around until the placement of the disco ball is determined.

What's that you say? You thought I worked at a corporate conference center? Yeah, that's what I thought too. Anyway, they drag in a whole bunch of stuff and start setting up - the craps table. I think, well, the pieces are heavy and they might as well put them in place as they bring them in. Then they roll out the felt and start placing it on the table...as I'm sitting there watching them. Does anyone remember the sentence where I said I was only staying until the disco ball was up? When they start using rolled up tape to clean any lint off of the table is when I can't take it anymore and tell them to stop playing with the table and set up the disco ball so that if they need anything from me I am still there. I don't think they like me anymore. And quite frankly, I don't care...because now I am back in my office where I can get work done and complain about them on my blog.



P.S. to all my English teaching and loving friends - I do realize that the title of this post is not correct. However, it was visually pleasing to me this way.

Are We There Yet?

This priceless road trip question popped into my head this afternoon as I was thinking about my upcoming college reunion. This weekend I will celebrate 10 years since graduating. I'm excited to see friends that I haven't seen in years and reconnect with old roommates and classmates.

Who am I kidding? Everyone thinks I'm taking Friday off to see the Royal wedding. While I do plan to watch, I really am more excited about seeing old friends. The more often we reunion, they are truly becoming OLD friends. I however, haven't aged a bit. I've just grown.

Stay tuned as the adventures of Snarky and Sassy unfold in what is sure to be an entertaining weekend, some of which will undoubtedly be at my expense. Some will be at their expense too, so it all works out in the end. I can't wait to see what happens!

Questions are Concerns

Grammar is very important. It is a reflection of who you are and your level of intelligence. Even on Facebook! As you all know, I am a HUGE fan of my intern. However, I am trying to be patient and calm and teach her. After all, there are thousands of people who helped me along the way, and while I feel that somehow they all used the tough love approach in teaching, I am trying to be a more kind and caring teacher.

This week, almost every email I have seen that the intern has sent, reads "Please contact me with any questions are concerns." At first, I thought it was simply a typo. As I write this, I'm trying to figure out a way to bring it to her attention without making her feel too horrible.

Other grammar issues that are driving me crazy this week:
1. To, Too and Two are different words and mean different things.
2. Today is one word, not To Day
3. There is no R is Wash

I (hair) Do

Working in this industry, I am extremely opinionated about most things relating to the wedding. However, there are some aspects in which I am completely clueless. Such as how I would like my hair. As with most anything in my life that I don't know what to do about - I went to the internet; specifically the knot, to see what words of wisdom they could impart. Then I had to send this to Snarky and Sassy to see what they thought. You should know that Sassy has really dark brown hair - but for this most sacred occasion in my life, she has graciously offered to go blonde and to match her dress will die the braid dark purple. Only because Snarky offered to pay her to do it. Yea, that's the love and support you get when your wedding theme is Sarcasm and Sophistication....still looking for the sophistication.